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September 11th

I'm tired once again. I really need to stop waiting until its so late to write on my blog I almost forgot tonight. 

Well Its september 11th again and for some reason this year it seems so much more real than even 2001 did. I wish I could understand the amount of hate one must have to commit such a selfish act. Not that I nor I am sure most people can boast of being completely or even a little selfless. But to kill that many innocent people just to make a statement. I really can't understand it. I wish only to say to those families that are grieving their lost ones as a result of the events on this day 9 years ago let today be about remembering them as they were in life, remembering their laugh, and the happy moments you had together, let it be filled with happiness for them and the amount of time they graced this earth with their presence, and let love fill the holes that they have left in your heart, let today bring a smile to your face thinking of the time you shared with them. And always remember.

when things were like a springsteen song (sept.10)

I'm having a bruce day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5PoIrcyd34

This time felt a little more real and a little closer to the end. I know its not quite yet, but its getting closer. Each goodbye drags it out. Things we'll always be thinking but we'll never say. And I can't help but wonder if I'm making something out of nothing. I let my hands stand still. I don't dance around. I laugh, but its more like an echo. And then I fight in my head about how this time will draw to a close. And while I'm still trying to figure out exactly how this is supposed to go its suddenly over and I'm always left slightly bewildered. Completely unsure of what happened and why what part of me wanted to happen didn't. But also knowing I didn't expect it to, not anymore. Things are different. I used to be so sure I could feel what you were feeling which as I'm typing this I can see how cliche and ridiculous that sounds but its true and now I never know what's coming next with you. which makes me melancholy in broad sort of way. That is to say I can put it aside because I know whatever was between us is almost over. Thats all really.

we scare the other team with our maddog faces (sept.9th)

clothes on my bed. Towel on her head. making grossed out sounds whilst watching someone get their femur broken. why yes, yes I am just listing things I see and hear. gaahh I have nothing to say so I will tell you an amusing anecdote from today. Caitlin and I were buying our food at a restaurant and when Caitlin received her change she went to put the coins in the tip jar and accidently dropped some of her paper money in and then tried to take it back out which took, no exaggeration, at least two minutes. And the whole time the lady at the register was just maddoggin her and I was just dying of laughter instead of being helpful. It was truly a beautiful moment! And the bad tasting pizza tasted so much better than it normally does. Oh how I dearly love to laugh.

I came across all these really great color photographs from the 40s

ala lalala alalalala I'm uninspired

Tired is what I am today, today was too much on one hour of sleep.  I went to school I came home did homework went back to school came home changed clothes went to work came home changed clothes again picked up the brother from a practice came home went up to Baldy with some old friends Drank hot chocolate and now I'm here... back home... exhausted, and too uninspired to write anything of substance. 

Flubber and Twinkies: all a girl needs in life.

these are a few of my favorite things

Things I like and I love for the moment.

I love food always.

especially colorful food

especially sweet food

I like when people can see the big picture.

I love things out of the ordinary.

I like beautiful people.

 I love street art.

I love things that make me laugh.

I like things that are clever.

I love the rain.

I like Ice tea.

I like smiling faces.

I love foxes always.

September 6th

My eyelids are drooping, each time I blink they want to stay down. Exhaustion is waiting to consume me. My dreams will come soon and I'll forget to remember most of them. My legs are restless wanting more movement the rest of me is protesting the late hour. 

My brain's got nothing left to give and I rather joyously anticipate the morning sun along with birds that chirp. Reason being tomorrow is the day I run again and I can't explain what its like but I think tomorrow I'll try. 

My heart, I need you to be small.

You've been off my mind for all this time, probably intentionally.

Something made me think of you today, and now I cannot stop.

Out of the blue you popped in my mind, and that used to make me sad.

But today when I thought of the time we have spent it made me smile instead.

There's still an ache somewhere in me, in a space you used to occupy.

I try not to imagine a day when you might again, it seems like a stretch now.

I want to smile now, and laugh about the silly things we used to do.

Yes, for that is what makes me feel stronger.

For months, maybe years we longed to live closer than thousands of miles away,

But now you are here in the same town as I, and we see nothing of each other these days.

I think of the first time you took your hand with mine

we sat under stars and wondered how long it could last.

The night we went down to the icy cold river and you made me jump in,

It was so cold I screamed and told you I'd never talk to you again.

The hike back to the car I fell nothing unusual there,

but for a change there was some one there to catch me.

The times we would sit and talk for hours until our heads were too full of each other's thoughts,

So we'd sit there in silence, not needing to talk just to be, as long as you were right there.

I remember laughing on the phone when you found a spider in your room and swore you couldn't kill it.

Those last night hours that seemed like a dream, but not ours.

That time that we walked through your old school.

It doesn't matter really that we don't talk much now,

I know you think of these things from time to time too, and I hope you smile as well.

when the sun is shining everything will be okay

Ever since I was a little kid I have had this mentality that once its light out everything will seem less scary. Even still now that I'm older and not necessarily afraid of the dark, I still find my problems less daunting in the morning. I can try to find a solution with a fresh day. Night is where the monsters lurk and when the predators come out to prey. Its only natural to be afraid of the dark if you really think about it, I mean its the unknown right? In the dark you're completely blind and unaware of what's out there, that's what makes it frightening. You can't see what's ahead of you we all like to know what's coming next in life, so really I would say I am still afraid of the dark and what's lurking in it.

September 3rd

I was not around a computer yesterday but I did write something so I am going to post from my notebook.
There's a hot summer breeze ruffling my hair, I know school has already started but the heat makes me long for the free lazy days of summer. "You don't know a good thing until its gone" I'm not sure who says that but its incredibly true. People are constantly complaining about their situation and then once they are out of that situation they want at least some aspect of it back. I'm not really sure what my point is, I guess I just would like to try to complain less. I am happy, I have a nice life and if I work hard enough I can achieve what I want. Thats all really.

From the Moon, Tonight.

Hanging by a thread from the moon tonight.

Only I've forgotten which way the moon is going.

Is it waxing or is it waning so I look up to check.

Suddenly I see the moon isn't there at all.

I look back down suspended in midair.

I feel the thin string slipping through my fingers faster and faster.

Then I start to feel the drop in my stomach, the wind whooshing through my hair.

The street lights that seconds ago were tiny twinkling specks getting bigger and brighter.

But still there is no fear in me, my mind is calm and quiet leaving me plenty of space to observe everything around me.

I notice the speed I'm falling at is a speed at which I have never traveled freely.

Birds are falling up and I am falling down. 

I sink through wisps of white clouds.

There is the faintest salty smell in the air that suggests I'm near an ocean.

I know what's coming next and still not even the slights inkling of even nervous anticipation I am completely at ease.

Even enjoying now the beautiful midnight colors.

I am beginning to hear the rushing noises of the world below.

Why aren't they asleep, I wonder.

Maybe I am falling above a big city like New York, or London, perhaps its Paris.

Although I am close enough now that surely I would be able to see the Eiffle Tower.

Somewhere in the back of my mind it registers that I am cold now.

Becoming aware of this I realize there are white crystals of ice floating all around me.

It must be winter here, I think vaguely.

I begin to fret, not over the velocity at which I am hurling towards the ground, but about the people below because now they're in my sight.

I hope dimly that they don't worry about me.

My night gown flutters about my ankles.

I can hear the shouts and screams of terror and confusion from below.

Everything in me is telling me to look down, but instead I look up.

A ray of brilliantly shining light disorients me for a moment.

And then I know it is the sun and there is my string right in front of me, like its been waiting for me the whole time.

I grab hold and I come to an abrupt stop.

Like I kite I soar through the skies over oceans vast and blue.

Dropping lower I can see familiar mountains.

And beyond them the valley I call home.

Dawn is just braking all is quiet in the village.

Swooping lower still I spot my house, still, in the early hours.

Through my open window I slide right onto my bed.

I hold fast to my string I wouldn't dream of letting go.

skidrow

Today I went down to skidrow in LA and gave out water to the homeless and heard their stories and it was amazing! I want to write a more in depth blog tomorrow but I have only three minutes until midnight so just the basics right now but it was so cool and I got to see some old friends which was great and tomorrow I am going to hermosa with them yay!!!